IRIN de SADE











{November 14, 2009}   My customised shortcut to hell.

So here are the many ways I can get to Hell within a three hour period.

I would be dead if I drunk-

1. 12 glasses of rose wine.

2.12 glasses of red wine.

3.12 bottles of Budweiser budvar budvar.

4. 12 shots of scotch. (12 is clearly getting to be the mode!!)

5.12 shots of Gin. (whatcha tellya?)

6. 10 shots of Vodka. (probably decease faster but…hmm…maybe not..)

7. 10 shots of tequila. (O_o…..)

8. 10 shots of rum. (Now you’re talking…Happy rumming to Hell and back!!)

9.8  Bloody Marys. (Nah..dont want a messy trip…)

10. 12 Daiquiris..(aaand we’re back!)

11. 11 Margaritas..(I swear I didn’t do the number alliteration on purpose!)

12. 12 Kamikazes (yay…)

So people clearly 12 is my lucky number to hell….just wondering whether I can use combinations of these drinks..hmm..eh?

Disclaimer: This is to calculate death propensity on the basis of weight and gender and a three hour drinking period ONLY if you’re planning on going to Hell afterwards,NOT Heaven. Those trips are not supported by this shortcut.

Terms and conditions apply.

Copyright@drunkentraveller.

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So I’m really tired and really bogged down with like loads of stuff to do..study I mean…thats the “loads” I’m talking about here and I have to hear lectures about brand names of labs!!! Thought I’d outgrown those when I was wearing cheap hogmarket stuff and the rest of the world was wearing Lee or Pepe..those were the painful days…so I hate brand names..NOT sour grapes I promise..this is totally neutral hating..(check out the use of oxymoron..nice hmm?)

But looks like high tech science labs can come up equipped with brand names too.!!!!  Yippeee!! YAYEEE!!!! Life is made!!! OOOhhhh!!!…okk you get the general picture of how a grad student is supposed to react to the aforesaid labeled lab. Think of how a slumdog-pauperionnaire would react to a Gucci dress…

So I got this Holier-than-thou lecture on how I should be kissing their holy rear ends because they had accepted me into their hallowed be thy Holy Holy Moley Ignatius lab..the brand name I was told would make my life. Look good on my CV. Get me into an even more highly hallowed holier-than-them lab!!!! So I was told to brush my teeth and stock up on mouthwash ’cause I was gonna hav’ to start a lot of kissing soon!!

So then the guy went on to say that it was a rich lab and how I should be grateful pathetically that it was rich and I needn’t place any limits on my thinking because hey they weren’t slumdogs..

If I was a rich girl (na, na….)
See, I’d have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end
Cause I’d have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl…naaaanaanaaa

Nice song..liked the pirates of caribbean feel…haha..

So notice how the central theme of what scientists are supposed to do and be is kind of forgotten legend. I mean ohh yeah we’re working for “humanity” and “cures” and “we care so we do”  and a lot of other stuff that has come down to getting brand named labs and hotshot publications…

So what if the rest of the world is waiting for a cure..they don’t understand what we do anyway..just tell them its complicated and more time consuming..and build your own career..Get that Gucci label on your CV. Oh and for this you need to work haaarddd…..

The trick to sounding harsh and intimidating while talking mildly is all in the intonation. All you have to do is get the right Evil Dead expression and the correct zombie voice form Thriller…put ’em together and wham!!…you’ve got scary “wo-o-o-rk H-aa-aa-aard!!!” repeat the words a few times and you’ve got The Haunting sequel right inside lab. Add the spice of a pin drop silent atmosphere,automatons moving around, a wicked witch of the West supervising you and you’ll be set for Blairwitch project II. In technicolor!!! The only saving grace is the advisor himself who is sort of a shy sweetheart who actually seems harrowed at so many vultures picking at HIS award. Sigh…so no go..I tried..and failed…I’m not hard asssed or sacrificial enough to want to waste 5 precious years in a morgue..0oops..lab..this sad…so I’m going back to my previous hippie beer toting advisor..yayy!!

Dust to dust ,ashes to ashes..



{October 30, 2009}   Wierd advisors

So I went to visit my potential next rotation professor and he’s like this really big shot. Great publications and a fellow for a reputed institution and all that. So I trotted along to his office with like stars in my eyes and dreaming of papers in Nature. I enter and he’s sitting at a desk with like a sort of a form in front of me. He examines me like I’m a fly on a fruit..(did I forget to mention it was a drosophila/fruitfly lab..) and motions me to a seat. I sat down without moving my bag or my jacket and hold on to my seminar paper for dear life. Which he misinterprets as being my CV. He then embarks on the Roman inquisition(more like Gestapo). He asks in a sonorous voice..”Do you have any questions for me before I ask you several of mine?” Eyebrows dance,fingers steeple and his eyes narrow on the insignificant fly quailing before him. The fly(oops thats me..) flutters around and tries to conjure an impressive CV only to have that balloon severely punctured by his overbearing attitude. Its like Hitler. Hypnotise the victims..brainwash…”I am doing you a favor by taking you on….” drone drone drone……

I mean do these professors actually forget their first days in lab…Thankless job it is..

If  grad student you become,regret you shall. May the force be with you.



et cetera