So I’m really tired and really bogged down with like loads of stuff to I mean…thats the “loads” I’m talking about here and I have to hear lectures about brand names of labs!!! Thought I’d outgrown those when I was wearing cheap hogmarket stuff and the rest of the world was wearing Lee or Pepe..those were the painful days…so I hate brand names..NOT sour grapes I promise..this is totally neutral hating..(check out the use of oxymoron..nice hmm?)

But looks like high tech science labs can come up equipped with brand names too.!!!!  Yippeee!! YAYEEE!!!! Life is made!!! OOOhhhh!!!…okk you get the general picture of how a grad student is supposed to react to the aforesaid labeled lab. Think of how a slumdog-pauperionnaire would react to a Gucci dress…

So I got this Holier-than-thou lecture on how I should be kissing their holy rear ends because they had accepted me into their hallowed be thy Holy Holy Moley Ignatius lab..the brand name I was told would make my life. Look good on my CV. Get me into an even more highly hallowed holier-than-them lab!!!! So I was told to brush my teeth and stock up on mouthwash ’cause I was gonna hav’ to start a lot of kissing soon!!

So then the guy went on to say that it was a rich lab and how I should be grateful pathetically that it was rich and I needn’t place any limits on my thinking because hey they weren’t slumdogs..

If I was a rich girl (na, na….)
See, I’d have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end
Cause I’d have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl…naaaanaanaaa

Nice song..liked the pirates of caribbean feel…haha..

So notice how the central theme of what scientists are supposed to do and be is kind of forgotten legend. I mean ohh yeah we’re working for “humanity” and “cures” and “we care so we do”  and a lot of other stuff that has come down to getting brand named labs and hotshot publications…

So what if the rest of the world is waiting for a cure..they don’t understand what we do anyway..just tell them its complicated and more time consuming..and build your own career..Get that Gucci label on your CV. Oh and for this you need to work haaarddd…..

The trick to sounding harsh and intimidating while talking mildly is all in the intonation. All you have to do is get the right Evil Dead expression and the correct zombie voice form Thriller…put ’em together and wham!!…you’ve got scary “wo-o-o-rk H-aa-aa-aard!!!” repeat the words a few times and you’ve got The Haunting sequel right inside lab. Add the spice of a pin drop silent atmosphere,automatons moving around, a wicked witch of the West supervising you and you’ll be set for Blairwitch project II. In technicolor!!! The only saving grace is the advisor himself who is sort of a shy sweetheart who actually seems harrowed at so many vultures picking at HIS award. Sigh…so no go..I tried..and failed…I’m not hard asssed or sacrificial enough to want to waste 5 precious years in a morgue..0oops..lab..this sad…so I’m going back to my previous hippie beer toting advisor..yayy!!

Dust to dust ,ashes to ashes..


{October 30, 2009}   Wierd advisors

So I went to visit my potential next rotation professor and he’s like this really big shot. Great publications and a fellow for a reputed institution and all that. So I trotted along to his office with like stars in my eyes and dreaming of papers in Nature. I enter and he’s sitting at a desk with like a sort of a form in front of me. He examines me like I’m a fly on a fruit..(did I forget to mention it was a drosophila/fruitfly lab..) and motions me to a seat. I sat down without moving my bag or my jacket and hold on to my seminar paper for dear life. Which he misinterprets as being my CV. He then embarks on the Roman inquisition(more like Gestapo). He asks in a sonorous voice..”Do you have any questions for me before I ask you several of mine?” Eyebrows dance,fingers steeple and his eyes narrow on the insignificant fly quailing before him. The fly(oops thats me..) flutters around and tries to conjure an impressive CV only to have that balloon severely punctured by his overbearing attitude. Its like Hitler. Hypnotise the victims..brainwash…”I am doing you a favor by taking you on….” drone drone drone……

I mean do these professors actually forget their first days in lab…Thankless job it is..

If  grad student you become,regret you shall. May the force be with you.

{October 23, 2009}   Pandora

{October 22, 2009}   Goose chase

So I am about to recount exactly how fried your brains can get if you endeavour on a grad student journey. So I come home especially late from lab with all my senses jumpy and jittery from sleepless nights and too much coffee and fall into bed. Then I embark on an exercise of admonishing myself to sleep. “Sleep…Slee-eee-eep…(threateningly) or you’ll wake up late and miss class….c’mon sleeeeep (hypnotisingly) ”  Well doesn’t work. HA HA no surprises there.

Then my bed vibrates like at least richter scale 7. I jump out of my skin and then slide shakily back into it when i realise its just my phone. I get a message which says quantitative homework is confusing and can I come online. Glad to get a respite from the tedious task of trying to force sleep onto riotous thoughts I speedily move myself to the computer.

Nows the juicy part. I pat myself on the back and say “Ah its ok,now I’m here..I’ll solve the sum in a jiffy!!”

So I read the question and talk to my fellow math tortured students on chat. Then I start expounding my knowledge on how the rate of disintegration is equal to that of synthesis…blah blah blah…she listens carefully….for about ten minutes there’s furious typing. Then pleased with myself I ask her if its done. She says that her initial answer was zero. So then this lenghthy conversation obviously means she’s wrong..right? I say err…ahem…humm…hawww….umm..its kinda right!!!

She’s ready to freak out. I’m still trying to fill air into my fast deflating balloon of smugness. epic failure. So having confused myself and my poor fellow homework group member(who was quite clear in her concept before I added my erudition to it) I loftily carried myself off to bed.

I shall recount the story of the magnificent stereoviewers some other day…..

{October 20, 2009}   Grad school fever

So the first exam of my grad school aka hell life is finally over after wringing the last breath out of us poor victims. I mean every exam we think we’ll study from before and do well..and then we land up praying to God, “Please let us pass this time and I promise I’ll study the next time…!!!” Ha!! Its like a vicious cycle that we need to break out of!!!! How many of you students feel the same way…????!!!!

God please give me free drinks..right now all I really need is a stiff rum and coke and a long drag of a cigarette and a thoroughly caffeinated coffee and a very miseducating movie or graphic novel!!!!


{October 19, 2009}   champagne supernova

So here I am…the first day in my life in Hell…..which is also called Ph.D by the erudite and righteous wisemen. The world looks at us as if we are a class apart, a magnificent solar phenomenon just waiting to bag a Nobel and cure cancer..pshaw!! Actually we are a bunch of very poor pathetically intelligent students trying to fit into a world which won’t let us in..!!!! I mean the existence of any of us in anything other than the scientific world results in instant conversion of delta G to high positive values. The resulting balance of increased entropy is sadly lacking as we really do not get to let off our enthalpy..err..ahem..steam…
So end result you have couple of super intelligent dorks contemplating relativity, drinking champagne and hoping for a scientific supernova (read as a publication in a hotshot journal!!)
So here’s to all you Ph.D-frustrated-angry-with-life-and-lab aspirants..cheers!!!!!

{October 19, 2009}   Hello world!

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